Saturday 21 November 2009

When you cant do a Mood Map

What do you do when you wake up in the morning and you can't even do a Mood Map?

If you are someone who is highly motivated and who does the impossible, what do you do when you can't even manage a Mood Map? What is going on? Should you make yourself Mood Map, are you being lazy, or should you go back and hide under the Duvet?

What do you already know?
1 - You are not lazy - you bought the book, you are reading it and doing the Mood Maps - you are not lazy! 90% of book owners never read their books. You are not lazy.
2 - It is far more likely you do too much. Doing is how you express yourself, and not being able to "Do" means you can't be you and that adds your misery

The Chapter on Moods and Personality is probably the worst in the book. Not because I don't know what I mean, but because I find it hard to explain what I mean. The next book will hopefully put that right. Nonetheless, understanding your personality type helps you discover how to manage your moods better. Your personality type reflects how you are when you are at your best, happiest and most fulfilled.

If you are a "Doer", you need to "Do" things to feel good about yourself, you are used to working through your problems. "Doing" makes you feel good.

On the other hand if you are a natural "Being", you have to feel right before you start. You are at your best when you are watching, curious, leading a gentle life and seeing how the world is meant to be. Then when you feel right, you can do whatever you want.

If you are a "Doer" you are not lazy! At least you are not naturally lazy, although you know you can fall into bad habits, because if you could do stuff, you would be out there doing it, not needing to read a book about "Doing"

(For the record, if you are "Being" you are also not lazy, because lazy people don't read Mood Mapping)

So what has happened? What has happened to the human dynamo you were a couple of years ago?

Should you make yourself do more, or accept that today, and maybe tomorrow and even the next day or possibly the rest of the week, you are going to have "Me time"

No one can keep going, week after week, year after year without paying a price for it. There are limits to how much any one person can do. Each of us has a "Capacity for Work" and if you keep doing more than you are physically or mentally able to do, year after year, you will get ill, with minor infections, exhaustion and then more major illnesses.

If you have reached the point where you cannot easily do a Mood Map, you are almost certainly exhausted. If you are exhausted, you need to rest and you need to sort out the problems that have led you to being exhausted

The cause of your exhaustion, may or may not be your job. But if you love your job and it fulfills you, offers you opportunities that you have never had before and even pays you for letting you do something you love, the chances are the problem is not your job, even if it looks to the rest of the world as though it is hard work and highly stressful.

Have you done the exercise on Day 5 and see where the major problems are. If it is not your job, maybe it is your relationships? All too often, especially people who are "Talker Doers" run into problems with relationships. They know everyone, everyone loves them, they have lots of friends but deep inside they are lonely, they are looking for that special person, who makes you feel special and stand out from the crowd.

There is no simple answer - it has taken you years to reach this point, you are not going to put that right overnight

Here are one or two things you can do immediately

Make a Stop list - give yourself chance to draw breath
Yes Hide under the Duvet for a couple of days, and then reassess
Start Omega 3 essential fatty acids - fish oils or flaxseed oil

Most of all look after you and pamper yourself until you get some energy back. Anyone who has gone out, bought a book, is reading that book and doing the exercises, is not lazy! In one sentence

Take the day off, watch a movie or even just hide under the Duvet for a couple of days - its OK, the world will not come to an end because you look after yourself

If you carry on, when every bone and every cell in your body is crying stop - you will damage yourself. Don't take medication, don't flog a dead horse! or least a tired one, just give yourself the break you need.

If it lying on the beach or hiding under the duvet gets to be a habit and after a few days you still don't feel better, come back for some more suggestions - email me, or add a comment. In the meantime, do the simple things and have some fun!

Copyright (c) Dr. Liz Miller
Mood Mapping
Dr Liz Miller

7 comments:

  1. Hi Lizzie,
    You must be telepathic! having started with pure enthusiasm with the book, wanting to read the whole thing from start to finish immediately. I reined my horse in, read the intro and then spent 3 days trying to find a suitable notebook (perfectionism of course) hence delaying my reading of chapter 1 so by day 4 or 5 dropped off doing all the tasks religiously as had got busy!!!
    Then the depression of I've tried all of this before started to sink in which swiped the motivation and hence have had a couple of duvet days, not proud of them, but motivation and rumination was pretty poor!
    Glad you posted this page as it really makes sense and now I know there's a workshop where I can hopefully put things into practice in a quick and easy format, thus facilitating daily entries.
    hope there's space in Dec, see you then
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Liz, I will be buyng this today and incorporate as part of my addictions-counselling course

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was hoping that you had a blog. I'm going to be blogging about my experiences with Mood Mapping for the next month or so, I'll leave the links here if you're interested.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks everyone - that is great and because I am not yet clever enough to set up a forum, I hope we can raise relevant points here!

    And yes Elizabeth, please if you think it helps teach it! - I am running workshops on the first Saturday of each month - December 5th, January 9th, February 6th - £15

    and J - please lets hear about your experiences.

    I think Mood mapping should have been written about twenty years ago, when most of the research leading up to it was done and when most standard self help strategies were developed.

    We have therefore to make up for lost time ;-) as it were.

    ReplyDelete
  5. PS Sarah,
    Still space in December - I want to keep the numbers ideally to 8 or less, at least in the first instance. I have done larger groups but I think it is easier in smaller groups to begin with, at least to begin with!

    Lx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Liz

    Im in a bit of a tizz having just read your advice to not take medication! I have been taking citalopram for 4 weeks now and am just starting to feel a little better. Having found the mind 1st website I bought some omega 3 oil and have also been taking that. Would you not recommend taking them together? I need to get well and its taking too long, you talk of taking a few days off, Ive had a month under the duvet! I have small children I need to get better to look after them. Im also suffering with a bad stomach, is that normal with depression? Please help

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Clare,
    That phrase is not meant to be a blanket "do not take medication". Thank you for asking for clarification - I may go back and change the blog post.

    I mean that when you are exhausted - rest! it is all too easy to resort to pep pills instead of giving what our body what it needs. - Antidepressants are pep pills. There may be times when we are so flat as to need something to help us to do what we need to do, to get better. But it is not a cure

    There is no problem taking omega 3s and medication. Omega 3s are a natural part of a healthy diet. Wild animals and fish are full of omega 3s, only domesticated animals have saturated fats


    You have had a month under the duvet - that's great so don't wear yourself out with guilt. You did what you needed to do!

    Could your bad stomach relate to citalopram? Gut problems are a side effect. A bad stomach is not generally associated with depression, although it can relate to anxiety

    Is it possible that the month under the duvet has done you more good than the citalopram? Because you do say you are beginning to feel better.

    How many months or years have you taken to reach this state? If you have been in a bad way for a while, it is going to take longer to get back to being fit and healthy. It won't happen immediately, be patient - no point only getting half well and then making yourself ill again. Better to get fully well and then you can stay well.

    What do you think is contributing to your depression? - what are your surroundings like - do you have a nice house / flat or not as good as you would like?

    How is your health? do you eat a good diet or rely more than you would like on ready meals and processed food?

    What about relationships? - who do you have who you can talk to and who do you have who can help you with your children? - because small children are a handful

    What kind of strategies do you use to help manage your thinking - are you kind to yourself or do you beat yourself up. You have always to give yourself the same respect you would give your best friend. Don't say stuff to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone you cared about!

    Have you had some counselling and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to help you cope better with what you are going through?

    Finally, are you getting "me time" where you can simply "be you"?

    Can your mother help you? or your partner's mother give you a hand at least for a little while?

    I am not against medication, but because of the side effects, I believe it should be a last resort when all other avenues have been tried. Definitely Not a first step!

    Can you work out the answers to some of those questions and see what you can do instead of/ in addition to your medication

    Thanks for your contribution Clare, and keep posting

    ReplyDelete

Hi, Thanks for your comment and I look forward to reading it